We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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