we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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