Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
