i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
