i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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