I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you will always have a special place in my vag
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
