i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
