I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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