I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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