I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize