Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
