he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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