She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
