she woke up with a sticky ear
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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