absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
