god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
