When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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