she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
