Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
