I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
