What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
