that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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