Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
soo... how was my night?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
