even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
