every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
