he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
