Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
