im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
