His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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