$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
