porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
