why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
