Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
