this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
