So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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