My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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