Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
