If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My vagina just clenched in fear
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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