what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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