So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
