Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
