I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
