A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she pinky promised me she was 18
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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