I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
