lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
