A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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