She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
