I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
