its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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