I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
