her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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