He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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