I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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