What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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