I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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