I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
