I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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