Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
