some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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