so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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