thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
