Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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