I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
