Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
