You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
