I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
