Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
